Share the Load

Someone once wrote, “A man may work from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done.”

I tend to agree that women get stuck with a heavy share of the load. It doesn’t need to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way.

It doesn’t hurt the men to help out around the home. So many women work outside the home these days just to help make ends meet. She deserves the respect of the male of the house by his helping out to keep things in order on the home front.

Yes. That does include fixing meals, washing dishes, scrubbing the toilet and changing diapers.

The woman is gracious enough to go out and help maintain a solvent budget. The least a man can do is help to maintain a solvent household. If there are things the man doesn’t know how to do, I’m sure the woman can help him learn.

I do not think it necessary to “keep score” of who does what, or to even necessarily have assigned chores. It can probably be done on an as needed basis, and should be spontaneous in response. That would be the most desirable method.

For so many centuries women have been victims of society and it’s traffic patterns. Now is the time to change those patterns. Helping each other in all aspects of life can be rewarding. We all have our strong and weak points. We can compliment one another and make it all happen.

It all starts with the first step.

So....What’s for dinner, eh?

Awesome Stroganoff

½ pound top sirloin cut into thin strips (may also substitute boneless/skinless chicken cut into thin strips, or ground beef)

½ C. Water

1 envelope Schilling Beef Stroganoff mix

2 C. Water

2 Tbsp. Dry cooking sherry

2 tsp. beef bouillon granules

2 cans (4 oz. Each) mushroom stems and pieces, drained

1 8 oz. Tub cream cheese

4 to 6 cups hot, cooked noodles

Simmer meat in ½ cup water in covered skillet for 5 minutes. Combine seasoning mix, water, cooking sherry, and beef granules in a separate bowl. Stir into cooking meat. Add mushrooms and continue to simmer another 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Add cream cheese. Stir and serve over hot, cooked noodles. Awesome!

Bob Curtis has been consulting individuals on interpersonal relationships for a number of years.

Meetings Productive

KEEPING MEETINGS PRODUCTIVE: Whether participants approve or disapprove of an idea, they shouldn’t be penalized or given a raise. If you start criticizing people who disapprove, then you’re only making your meetings less productive. Likewise, if you start handing out raises to everyone who agrees with you. This kind of behavior conditions participants to contributing only to win approval, rather than honestly contributing. Participants may focus more on developing ideas that meet approval, rather than generating their own creative ideas. To promote a free and creative sharing of ideas, the chairperson needs to exercise support of authority. Their role is to encourage participants to express their own ideas freely and fully.

TALKERS AND NON-TALKERS: Nearly every meeting has talkative members and quiet members. A quiet person may have an important contribution, but may feel intimated by the spontaneity of the meeting. Try to get past this by making eye contact with them while asking for a response from the group. Acknowledge a response from another member only if the quiet member gives no response. In effect, this will encourage him/her to answer the question without pinning them down.

KEEPING DOWN THE NOISE: A more difficult problem to rectify is quieting members who try to dominate meetings. Dominating people usually have immediate responses and go into endless detail if given the opportunity, while sometimes getting off the point and sidetracking the meeting. These participants are usually bright and valuable yet they can ruin a meeting if they are not stopped. You want to manage this person without alienating them. First, when you believe you understand the point being made, close the topic by saying “Thank you, I understand.” Second, avoid making eye contact with this person and/or hold up your hand as a casual stop sign. Finally, if all else fails, tape record the meeting and ask them to listen to the tape recording. This usually solves the problem.

CEO, A.E. Schwartz & Associates, Boston, MA., a comprehensive organization which offers over 40 skills based management training programs. Mr. Schwartz conducts over 150 programs annually for clients in industry, research, technology, government, Fortune 100/500 companies, and nonprofit organizations worldwide. He is often found at conferences as a key note presenter and/or facilitator. His style is fast-paced, participatory, practical, and humorous. He has authored over 65 books and products, and taught/lectured at over a dozen colleges and universities throughout the United States.

Makes a Difference

MANAGING MEETINGS--BEING PREPARED MAKES A DIFFERENCE: You can schedule all the meetings you want to, and if you are not prepared to take charge then you’re wasting your time. The time you invest planning a meeting is time well spent. The sooner you take action, the sooner you can enjoy the fruit of a productive meeting. Before you schedule a meeting, determine its purpose and necessity. Document specifically what you expect to accomplish during the meeting (including goals and objectives). A clearly written plan allows you to focus solely on the issues you need to address. Next, determine whether this purpose can be more efficiently achieved by some other means, such as a phone call, a written memo, or an informal conversation.

MANAGING MEETINGS--AGENDA: At least one week before a meeting, develop the agenda and send it to expected participants. The agenda should clearly indicate: 1. the meeting’s starting and ending time, 2. location of the meeting, 3. items (goals) to be covered and desired outcomes (objectives), 4. items listed in priority order, 5. time planned and scheduled for each item, 6. preparation expected of participants, and 7. the person responsible for presenting each item.

SETTING YOUR AGENDA: People usually plan an agenda backwards, placing the most important item last and the minor items first. However, you should plan the agenda the opposite way, by placing the most important item on the agenda first and the least important items last. This way, if you run out of time, you will have covered the crucial topics.

Barriers and Simplifying

The communication process can be much more difficult than a person thinks. Unfortunately, many times a presenter does not realize that their message is being lost until it is too late and they have gone through an entire meeting/lecture talking away about something that their colleagues/audience thinks is absolutely meaningless. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself before attempting to relay a message to a large audience.

Communication barriers may be categorized as follows: Assumptions about yourself — Do I really have something to offer? Is it safe for me to offer suggestions? Do I really want to share the information? Will others really understand? How will the communication affect my self-esteem? Attitudes about the message itself — Is the information valuable? Do I see the information correctly or understand it well enough to describe it to others? Is it organized? Am I comfortable with what I am saying? Can I maintain eye contact? Sensing the receiver’s reaction — Do I become aware of whether or not the receiver is actually understanding? Or, in other words, can I “sense” from certain cues or reactions by the receiver, whether or not we are communicating? Am I aware of the receiver’s needs? interests?

Communication can easily be simplified. All you have to do is know the major causes of communication failures and detect them as they occur. Typically, people involved in communication breakdowns are either (a) utterly unaware that the communication has failed and that misunderstanding has resulted; or (b) painfully aware of a communication blockage — or complete breakdown — and frustrated by not knowing the reasons why. In either case, people are powerless to handle or remedy the problem. Remember, the expert communicator not only learns to detect communication barriers but also to anticipate them and use an appropriate remedy to overcome them.

Sales Presentation

ummer is here! It’s time to bring out your summer attire, take a vacation and reflect upon your achievements thus far this year. Look back at the past few months of your sales production . . . are you on target for all your sales goals for 2005? Are you making the sales from all your sales presentations?

You may be far ahead in some areas or behind in others. No matter what your sales production is today you certainly should have another look at what targets and goals you have developed in your game plan for 2005.

Are you using your strengths to their fullest potential? To improve your sales results, determine what has been working or not working. Then define where to concentrate your productive energies for the next two quarters in 2005 or the remainder of your compensation period.

The statistics say that 90% of the sale is made in the presentation. Many sales professionals need to be more innovative and prepare for every presentation. When planned and executed well, your presentation is the most effective method of winning more customers. The most important point of a presentation is that the objective of communication is not the transmission, but the reception. The whole preparation and content of presentation must therefore be geared to the customer with a clear objective that will specify actions or commitments you desire from the customer. Be creative and original to tailor the presentation to catch their attention and respect. Differentiate yourself from your competition.

It is difficult to overestimate the importance of careful preparation. Five minutes face to face with senior management could decide the acceptance or rejection of a proposal. With so much potentially at stake, the presenter must concentrate not only upon the facts being given, but also upon the style, pace, tone and tactics that should be used to best relate to the audience.

· Explain at the beginning of the presentation what will be covered and how long it will take so they know what to expect.

· Plan exactly how you wish to appear to them; dress appropriately for the audience.

· Rehearse your presentation. There is no substitute for practicing.

· Accentuate your gestures and vocal projection; always have great eye contact.

· A smooth presentation is the key for your customer to sense your sincerity and confidence.

· Don’t try to answer every question. They will respect you more if you get back to them with the correct answer.

There are three primary ways people learn:

Visually – people learn through reading, seeing and mental images.

Auditorily – people learn through listening and hearing.

Kinesthetically – people learn through touching and doing.

Try to find out how your customers prefer to learn. Pay attention during conversations, if they read a lot and use phrases like, “I see it,” and then they probably learn best visually, so use plenty of excellent visuals. If they use words like, “I haven’t heard that, but that sounds good to me,” they learn best auditorily, so keep the speaking dialog going at a pace and tone that they are comfortable with. If you see them holding your collateral and product they might learn best kinesthetically. Deliver your presentation primarily that way and create a well-rounded presentation that encompasses all the learning styles. For example, include visuals, have a good speaking voice, and bring samples of the product for every customer. But primarily tailor your presentation to their preferred learning style.

Although they will be trying very hard to concentrate on your presentation, your audience’s minds will inevitably stray. Your job is to do something, anything that captures their attention and makes a lasting impression upon them. You don't necessarily have to use repeated phrases, but simply make the point again and again with different explanations and in different ways. Include the audience in the presentation; ask them questions to get them involved and keep them involved. Once your presentation is over, you should try to honestly evaluate your performance. Either alone, or with the help of someone involved, decide what were the least and most successful aspects of your presentation and concentrate on those areas for your next presentation. If there’s a problem with the preparation or execution, then work on it. Practice is only productive when you make a positive effort to improve your presentations. Be committed to self-improvement to further develop your career. Be coached, or coach yourself, to constantly improve your presentations. Analyzing your strengths and building upon them is an effective method of self-coaching.

“A presentation is an interactive conversation with the customer.” - Dan Collins

We believe that for any investment of sales improvement to generate a positive return, whether it is field training, classroom training, online learning, computer based, audiobooks, etc., predefined outcomes need to be articulated and then executed. So clearly define what you want to accomplish for the remainder of 2005, focusing on being more innovative and preparing for every presentation and of course, follow through and support your game plan for 2005 with sales training tools like our Sound Selling Audiobook™. Good luck goal setting, presenting and selling!

Shopping Tips

Back to School sales seem to start almost as soon as your kids leave school for the summer. For parents, these sales are one of the best ways to save money and save big. Let's take a look at some the ways for you to realize savings as you prepare to send your children off to school.

1. Sales. Yes, Back to School sales are still real bargains for parents. The national retail chains such as, WalMart, Target, Sears, JC Penney, and KMart all run sales, as well as do the "pharmacy" chains including: CVS, Walgreens, and Eckerds. The former group of stores are great places to shop for clothing and bookbags while the latter group will feature cut rate school supplies.

2. Dollar Stores. Almost every town across America has the "one dollar" stores where everything is, you guessed it, sold for one dollar. Many of these stores are hit or miss as far as what they carry or what they have available. Some items, even at a dollar, are much more expensive than those found "on sale" at regular retailers.

3. Close Outs. Your kids may protest, but the close out stores -- Odd Lots and Big Lots to name two -- will carry items your family can use. Sure, the clothing may be way out of style, but lunchboxes, pens, stationary, bookbags, and the like generally are not.

4. Hand Me Downs. Big bro or big sis may have articles of clothing or items they no longer use. If they are gently worn/used consider passing these things on to your younger kids.

5. Garage and Yard Sales. Your child's lunchbox or calculator may be found at your neighbor's sale instead of at a retailer. Expect prices to be 50-90% less than full retail.

6. Consignment Shops. Did someone say, Salvation Army? Okay, this is a bit of a stretch. Your kids will probably scream if you take them to a consignment shop, so you can go instead. More than likely what you buy will be for your personal use. Use the money saved to purchase the Nike shoes for your sophomore.

7. Tax Free Weeks. If you live in an area of high sales taxes on clothing, wait for a special "tax free week" to come around to save on purchases. New York City, for instance, is one of the cities with a tax free week. At 8.25%, this particularly high sales tax rate often causes residents to flee the city and drive to New Jersey where there is no tax on clothing. Save on gas, tolls, and time, as well as prop up your local economy by waiting for these special weeks.

There are other ways for you to save money on school supplies including shopping online or by buying in bulk. Back to School shouldn't mean back in debt provided you shop carefully and wisely.

Wetting Resources

While a doctor can be very useful in helping you deal with your child’s bedwetting, health care workers today are busier than ever and no one doctor can keep up with all the research and new information coming out each day. You may want to contact organizations such as the National Kidney Foundation or the American Academy of Pediatrics for more resources and then raise the information you find with your doctor.

You can contact some key resources about bedwetting yourself:

•The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) provides lots of useful information, and pamphlets about a variety of conditions, including bedwetting...

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
141 Northwest Point Boulevard
Elk Grove Village, IL 60007_1098
Phone: (847) 434_4000
Fax: (847) 434_8000

Alternative address:
The American Academy of Pediatrics
Department of Federal Affairs
601 13th Street, NW
Suite 400 North
Washington, DC 20005 USA
Phone: (202) 347_8600
Fax: (202) 393_6137
Email: kidsdocs@aap.org
Web Address: http://www.aap.org

•The PottyMD is a great resource about toilet training and bedwetting. Since this groups focuses only on this problem, you are sure to get information that is pertinent to the topic. Many parents swear by this resource.

PottyMD
2216 White Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37916
Phone: 1_877_POTTYMD (768_8963)
Web Address: www.pottymd.com

•The National Kidney Foundation has recently launched a number of resources about bedwetting. Their website has lots of information and even video clips about the subject. Plus, if your child’s bedwetting is caused by a kidney problem, this group can help you get information on that issue, as well.

National Kidney Foundation
30 East 33rd St., Suite 1100
New York, NY 10016
Phone: 1_800_622_9010
Web Address: www.kidney.org

•The National Kidney and Urologic Disease Information Clearinghouse provides all sorts of information about conditions that affect the kidneys and urinary system. Not surprisingly, they have several resources just about bedwetting.

National Kidney and Urologic Disease Information Clearinghouse
3 Information Way
Bethesda, MD 20892_3580
Phone: 1_800_891_5390
Web Address: www.kidney.niddk.nih.gov

•The Bedwetting Store carries a large selection of items relating to bedwetting. If you want to know about the latest items and devices that can help your child, consult this large online selection.

The Bedwetting Store
Phone: 1_800_214_9605
Web Address: www.bedwettingstore.com

•The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry helps in distributing information about childhood psychiatry. It can be a useful resource if your child experiences undue upset because of bedwetting or if your child is experiencing secondary Enuresis caused by emotional trauma and needs treatment to overcome the problem.

Refrigerator Cleaning

Cleaning your refrigerator never seems to top your priority list until you’ve already made your weekly grocery shopping excursion. Don’t deny it. You were scouring the aisles like a maniac, as though you were a contestant on SuperMarket Sweep, not once remembering the filth that lies ahead. You arrive home, open the refrigerator door and feast your eyes on what could surely become the next biggest horror film…Rotten decaying vegetables, last months forgotten moldy leftovers, hardened orange juice spills and something gray and furry hiding behind an expired jar of mayonnaise.

Now, you’ve no idea where you are going to put all this newly purchased food. So, what do you do? You start tossing the obvious to make room and forget all about it. Until next week when you repeat the process all over again.

Don’t fret, there is a simple solution just ahead. But, first, mark a date on your calendar, before you go grocery shopping next week, to clean that filthy refrigerator. I know it sounds silly, making a date with your refrigerator, but be honest, are you going to remember to clean it?

The first thing you want to do is turn off the refrigerator and unplug it. Remove all food and condiments. Put perishable items in a cooler to keep them fresh, making sure to check the expiration date. Discard anything questionable. Take out all crisper drawers and wash them by hand in the sink. Leave them to air dry.

Now, you are ready to battle what has become the longest running scientific experiment known to your family, or what is commonly referred to as, the refrigerator.

Starting from the top and working your way down, wipe with a solution of dishwashing liquid and one gallon of warm water, and lot‘s of elbow grease. If it’s quite odiferous, use baking soda instead of soap. If you see anything that looks as though it has become permanently affixed, place a heated bowl of vinegar in your refrigerator for about five minutes. The steam will loosen up those stuck-on foods and hardened spills.

Once you have fought the battle and won, take a clean cloth and rinse everything down with plain water. Dry it with a towel or leave it to air dry. Now, that your refrigerator is sparkling clean reacquaint your crisper drawers to their spotless home.

Let’s not forget to clean the outside. Wipe the top and sides down, and while you’re at it, grab the vacuum and get those coils behind the refrigerator, too. If you are so inclined, add a box of baking soda or a small bowl of kitty litter to keep it smelling fresh. Voila!

Your family will thank you for saving them from food borne illness. Okay, maybe they won’t, but at least you’ll know that the apple they are eating was purchased last week and not last month.

Managing Loneliness

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Title: Managing Loneliness
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 735
Category: Self Improvement

Managing Loneliness
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

My experience from 37 years of counseling individuals and couples is that most of the problems from which people suffer stem from how they handle the events of life, rather than the events themselves.

Certainly traumatic and tragic events such as loss of loved ones, financial loss, and health issues are extremely challenging. However, some people manage to move through these events with equanimity, while others remain stuck in fear, anxiety, and depression. The difference is in how people handle deeply painful feelings.

I have discovered that there are two core feelings that most people will do almost anything to avoid feeling: loneliness and helplessness.

Loneliness is an intense empty, sad, sinking or burning feeling within. This feeling can be triggered by four different situations:

1) Loss of a loved one.

2) Not having a partner, family or friends with whom to share time and love.

3) Being around others but being closed off to them.

4) Being around others when they are closed off to you.

Other than a traumatic loss, the latter is often the most challenging in everyday life, and this can occur throughout the day. For example, you walk into work happy and open. You greet your friend, and he or she barely responds to you. If you are truly open to your own feelings, you will feel a stab of loneliness. Yet most people are so closed off to this feeling that they immediately attempt to avoid the feeling with some kind of addictive behavior. They might grab a donut while shaming or blaming - telling themselves that they must have done something wrong or that their friend is a jerk. These addictive behaviors are geared to protect against feeling the pain of the loneliness. And they work for the moment to appease the feeling, but the feeling doesn’t actually go away. It just goes deeper within and may eventually cause physical symptoms, such as back pain or some form of illness.

Helplessness is a similar feeling to loneliness – intense inner turmoil. In the example above, not only do you have the stab of loneliness, but you also feel the pain of helplessness over your friend’s behavior. You cannot make him or her connect with you. However, because this is such a difficult feeling, you don’t want to know that you cannot have control over another or over the outcome of things. To avoid knowing about your lack of control, you may shame yourself: “It’s my fault. If I’m different, I can get others to be different.” Or you might blame your friend, attempting to get him or her to change. Both shame and blame are attempts to avoid accepting helplessness over others.

Once you turn to addictive behaviors such as food, alcohol, drugs, activities, shame and blame, you have abandoned yourself. In attempting to avoid feeling the loneliness and helplessness, you have created inner aloneness – self-abandonment. Self-abandonment occurs when your intent is to avoid pain rather than lovingly attend to your authentic feelings. The combination of avoiding loneliness, helplessness and the aloneness that comes from inner abandonment can lead to anxiety, depression and despair. People then often turn to prescription drugs to further avoid their feelings.

Managing the feelings of loneliness and helplessness is not as hard as you may think it is. If you practice the following process, you will find that you do not need to use your various addictions to avoid pain.

1) Stay tuned into your body/feelings so that you know when you are feeling lonely or helpless. It’s very important to be able to name the feeling, and it may take some time to recognize these feelings since you may have been avoiding them for so long.

2) Welcome and embrace the feelings, opening with deep compassion for these feelings. If you are connected with a spiritual Source of love and compassion, open to this Source and ask for help in being in compassion for the feelings.

3) Hold the feelings as you would a child who is hurting, with deep love and understanding. Just be with the feelings with deep acceptance of them for a few minutes.

4) Consciously be willing to release the feelings. Imagine the feelings of loneliness and helplessness moving through you and being released into the Universe – into Divine Love.

You will find that these painful feelings will quickly release if you practice these steps rather than abandon yourself in the face of painful events and experiences.

Romancing The Senses

Romance can be experienced in numerous ways, but it is best enjoyed when you get all your senses in on the action. The following are suggestions for getting the most out of romance, one sense at a time.

Sight

Lighting should be one of the first areas you look at when trying to establish a romantic mood. Candlelight is perfect for romantic ambiance, as is the light from a fireplace. You could also try warm, soft light bulbs, preferably of a low-wattage or pleasing color.

Speaking of color, give some thought to it when arranging a romantic setting. Reds will tend to inspire feelings of passion, energy and conversation, while blues will encourage trust and relaxation, as well as helping to sooth nerves. Try violet, a combination of the two, for a great comforting effect. Colors to avoid include yellows and oranges.

Flower will also be not only be pleasing visually, but will also appeal to one's sense of…

Smell

The sense of smell is one of the most powerful things you can target when it comes to striking a romantic mood. Scents travel directly to the brain and can trigger a wide range of emotions. Some of the scents that can help romantically include vanilla, lavender, jasmine, mandarin, rose and sandalwood. You could also try to cook foods that please and provoke positive emotions, such as cinnamon rolls. One of the primary considerations here is to take into account what you and your partner like.

Taste

You've probably heard the phrase "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but this isn't limited to men. Cultures throughout history have believed that aphrodisiacs existed that could help enhance "romance," and science is now backing them up on it. Take, for example, chocolate. Chocolate actually triggers the release of chemicals in the brain that create feelings of pleasure and gratification.

One sure-fire romantic combination is to break out the champagne, strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream. Other aphrodisiacs that you can try include asparagus, artichokes, caviar, figs, ginger, grapes, honey and the old standby, raw oysters.

Sound

Classical or ambient music are the obvious choices when it comes to striking an audio romantic mood, but you can really listen to anything that you find enjoyable and relaxing (the best choices typically are those types of music with melodic and slow tempos). The idea is to create a sound "envelope" you can slip into, a world of two removed from the larger one outside. A couple of tips on how you can further achieve this goal: avoid the television (ooo, a car chase… give me a kiss), and try to block out outside noise with thick curtains.

Touch

Which brings us to the touchie-feelie sense. There are a number of things you can focus on in this area to enhance romance. First, think fabrics. Items made from silk (sheets), satin, velvet, cashmere, mohair and angora will all add to a feeling of pleasure and relaxation. Try mixing up your normal setting by cluttering it with plush pillows, throws and other comfortable accessories. Set up a thick rug next to the fire, load it with pillows, add champagne and chocolate… you get the idea.

Finally, try a gentle massage. This is a perfect way to both relax and re-energize a partner. It also is a great way to get close. Try massaging the head, hands and feet with flowing and rhythmical motions. For an added benefit, use a scented massage oil.

Stimulating all five of the senses will help to make your romantic evenings both more pleasurable and more special. Try mixing and matching any of the above ideas, and don't be afraid to experiment with your own if you feel that they will enhance the mood. Personal preferences and likes are really the only rules when it comes to romance.

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